Wednesday, February 23, 2011

In theory. . .

From an email THE bossman sent me today. Don't know who wrote it but it is rather funny.
A new book has confirmed a theory that I first proposed in 1987, in a column explaining why men are physically unqualified to do housework.

The problem, I argued, is that men -- because of a tragic genetic flaw -- cannot see dirt until there is enough of it to support agriculture. This puts men at a huge disadvantage against women, who can detect a single dirt molecule 20 feet away. This is why a man and a woman can both be looking at the same bathroom commode, and the man -- hindered by Male Genetic Dirt Blindness (MGDB) -- will perceive the commode surface as being clean enough for heart surgery or even meat slicing; whereas the woman can't even see the commode, only a teeming, commode-shaped swarm of bacteria.

A woman can spend two hours cleaning a toothbrush holder and still not be totally satisfied; whereas if you ask a man to clean the entire New York City subway system, he'll go down there with a bottle of Windex and a single paper towel, then emerge 25 minutes later, weary but satisfied with a job well done.

When I wrote about Male Genetic Dirt Blindness, many irate readers complained that I was engaging in sexist stereotyping, as well as making lame excuses for the fact that men are lazy pigs. All of these irate readers belonged to a gender that I will not identify here, other than to say: Guess what, ladies? There is now scientific proof that I was right. This proof appears in a new book titled "What Could He Be Thinking? How a Man's Mind Really Works".

I have not personally read this book, because, as a journalist, I am too busy writing about it. But according to an article by Reuters, the book states that a man's brain "takes in less sensory detail than a woman's, so he doesn't see or even feel the dust and household mess in the same way." Got that? We can't see or feel the mess! We're like: "What snow tires in the dining room? Oh, those snow tires in the dining room.''. And this is only one of the differences between men's and women's brains.

Another difference involves a brain part called the "cingulate gyrus" which is the sector where emotions are located. The Reuters article does not describe the cingulate gyrus, but presumably in women it is a structure the size of a mature cantaloupe, containing a vast quantity of complex, endlessly re-calibrated emotional data involving hundreds, perhaps thousands of human relationships; whereas in men it is basically a cashew filled with NFL highlights.

In any event, it turns out that women's brains secrete more of the chemicals "oxytocin" and "serotonin", which, according to biologists, cause humans to feel they have an inadequate supply of shoes. No, seriously, these chemicals cause humans to want to bond with other humans, which is why women like to share their feelings. Some women (and here I am referring to my wife) can share as many as three days' worth of feelings about an event that took eight seconds to actually happen.

We men, on the other hand, are reluctant to share our feelings, in large part because we often don't have any. Really. Ask any guy: A lot of the time, when we look like we're thinking, we just have this low-level humming sound in our brains. That's why, in male-female conversations, the male part often consists entirely of him going "hmmmm." This frustrates the woman, who wants to know what he's really thinking. In fact, what he's thinking is, literally, "hmmmm."

So anyway, according to the Reuters article, when a man, instead of sharing feelings with his mate, chooses to lie on the sofa, holding the remote control and monitoring 750 television programs simultaneously by changing the channel every one-half second (pausing slightly longer for programs that feature touchdowns, fighting, shooting, car crashes or bosoms) his mate should not come to the mistaken conclusion that he is an insensitive jerk. In fact, he is responding to scientific biological brain chemicals that require him to behave this way for scientific reasons, as detailed in the scientific book "What Could He Be Thinking? How a Man's Mind Really Works", which I frankly cannot recommend highly enough.

In conclusion, no way was that pass interference.

We joked today bout it remindin us of my post Cubbies, Boxes with lids and TV's. We did figure out that until the bathrooms have enough dirt to grow corn they would not notice it was dirty. Glad I don't like corn. Specially some grown in a dirty bathroom. . .

Kackle! It does the body good!!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Harlie and schoolwork

I sit at the computer desk studying, either doing homework on the computer or just reading. Harlie comes and sits at my side, places her head on my thigh, looking straight up at me. Nudgin me if I forget to look at her. Tail waggin if I do look.

Last night, I back up to talk to her. Upon which she takes as an invite to sit in my lap. She does not realize that she is really NOT a lap dog. So she gets all turned around and we, mind you, WE, read. She looks over at my national government book like she is readin too.                 

Here is a picture of her in my arms the other day. I had been holdin Crystal, who is the size of my shoe, and she wanted her turn. So she got it.

Hope you kackled!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Am I CrAzY?

What in the world is a almost 55 yr old going back to school for????

Economics is kickin my behind baaaad! Then add National Government to the mix. I've lost my ever lovin mind.....

Kackle ya'll while I find my way to the funny farm!

Friday, February 11, 2011

If all bowls

were the size of the little Dixie paper bowl, I could lick my dish clean every time and not have it on my chin or nose.

I got all the greek yogurt and honey out of that little bowl and am happy.

Have a great weekend and kackle often!!

And above all STAY WARM!!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

License Plates

For years as driving, I read license plates and make up words or names for the driver. Ya never know when you just may need to remember that license plate. Plus it keeps the boredom at bay. Also you look the car over and find a name that fits.

LPW =Little Petite Woman, Loud Pauchy Worker
BW1K=Bwick (lighter), Red Bwick house, Big Walked 1 Kilometer
BJX=Betty Jo Xavier, Billy Jean X
AB5=#5 on the ABs scale, Anna Bell ate 5
GJN=Gunner Joe Natty
TNG=TiNG, Talking Naughty Girl
JGE=Jesse Gone Eating
DZZ=Deaf Zany Zebra
PHH=Purple Heart Hero
ANO=And Nuther Out
CLP=Classey Little People
FVV=Firey Vice Vegetable
SPH=Silver Purple Hat
HZS=HaZard Silly
RT2=Red Top 2
CC6=Carbon Copy 6
JTS=Jeans Too Small
MLJ=Many Long Johns
KLV=KaLynn Victory

Hope you kackled on this cold day in February!!

Sunday, February 6, 2011


Well the massive snow here in Central Texas is gone. The MASSIVE, and I mean, MASSIVE, amount was THREE inches.

The dogs wouldn't even go out on their own. Well, the smaller ones wouldn't. I guess they didn't like the whole lower half of them being froze. Which made me stand on the porch steps and chunk them to the middle of the yard to potty. They are glad that the snow is gone and they can go on their own now.

And no, I really didn't chunk them. I picked them up and walked in the snow to a spot that didnt have much if any snow and put them on the froze grass and waited for them to potty and picked them back up, wrapped up, and came inside.

So really I'M the one glad the snow is gone.

But I did get a three day weeend out of it!

Hope you guys are warm and well! We are in the 60-70 degree range today.

So today I'm a kacklin but it is suppose to turn nasty again in a couple of days and I won't be kacklin too much then!

Have a great weekend and coming week!!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Call me

A baby, a sissy, a whiney baby, call me whatever,

But I still don't like cold. And I definitely don't like teens as degrees either. 

Well for that matter, they aren't real fun when they're kids either.....

Hugs! Find a fire and cuddle up and try to kackle, it just may come out as a shi akkle! like a shiver-kackle!!