Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Don't bother me

Some days I think how grand it would be to have that significant other in my life. . .

But most days I know I am not cut out for it. .

As of right now I have been on my own for over 11 years.

I pretty much raised my children on my own. . Except for the last ex, he was around for 8. He was a big influence on us all. For all the wrong reasons. . Sooo he does not count. .

I have a friend that LOVES online dating. My thoughts are EWWWW. Don't get me wrong, she has met some nice men, but where I'm from they all want new ex's, I mean, wives.

ARE YOU SERIOUS? Are we back in the day where ads are run for MAIL ORDER BRIDES???

BUT she did talk me into putting my 'profile' out there on a couple of sites. I wrote it up and she 'tweaked' it.

The first time I did this I met a guy that all he wanted was to get laid. IN THE CAR. IN THE PARKING LOT. UNDER THE LIGHTS.

It was a cold night and we had gone to dinner and then went for drinks at a local bar. Ok, enough, it's time for me to go. I go to the car, his truck is parked next to mine. I get in to warm my car up and he knocks on the window. So I roll the window down. He wants to 'talk' while the vehicles warm up. The fight was on. . .Never saw him again. Never wanted to.

The second guy we never met, just emailed on one of those freebie weekends. Came down to the last sentence of the last email. I ask: So how many four legged kids do you have? His response: If you treat your animals like humans then I am not the guy for you.

I was just talking. I had already figured out that he was NOT my dream guy but thought hey we might be friends. NOT. I have dogs that I love, whom I have rescued from bad situtions.

I'm thinking maybe my opening line should be:

Hey soon to be next Ex, (followed by)

If  you want to be my friend, then you have to be a lover of four legged and two legged kids of all kinds because I have all kinds in my life. If not, move on out buddy, because I don't have time for you. So don't bother me.

Also if you have kids under the age of 24, don't bother me. I'm not raising you or your kids.

One more thing, if you can't swing a hammer, use a wrench, shovel, screw driver, lift heavy things, or have a pick up, don't bother me.

If you can't add 2+2 and get the correct answer, don't bother me.

Oh yeah, nother important detail: Do you have a job making more money than me? If not, don't bother me.

How about a house? No? You're living with Mom? Adios, buddy, don't bother me.

Are your bills paid on time? Or do you want me to pay for your things? If your answers are No, and Yes. Don't bother me.

Are you looking for someone to walk in the moonlight, hold hands, look madly deeply into their eyes and proclaim your love to? Uh, dude, you are nuts. Don't bother me.

Now don't get me wrong, I think it would be awesome to have my soulmate. I just don't think the man exists. And I've had enough crap in the past that unless he appears in a flash of light, he ain't gonna get a chance.

There is the running joke with my friends, we see  a guy  and I (they)state: 'OOOOH, look! There's my (your) next Ex!'

After 4 ex's, it is a joke that they will be anything else! I'm hard to get along with. And now it's really bad.

So. . . . .

Poke me with a fork, I'm done! Done! Done!

Happy Kacklin!!

PS I apologize for the Square crap on the header of my posts but I can't figure it out at the moment but I am working on it. So please bear with me. I am trying to remove it but I can't find it.


Penny said...

teehee..this was cute! :)

Anonymous said...

LOL! You are a riot!! And now I am having to wipe up spit up coffee. I've told my husband (whom I love dearly) that if he died before me he didn't need to worry about me getting remarried. I don't give a hoot about how someone else takes their coffee or likes their eggs!!

Matty said...

Looks like I've been eliminated, and I'm not even a contestant.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
KaLynn said...

@Penny -glad you enjoyed!

@Jeannie-well, I'm glad you laughed but I'm sorry you spewed your coffee all over!

@Matty-but you have a BIG plus! YOU LIKE BASEBALL!! even though we don't root for the same teams, it's still a plus!! =0))

Cheers my friends!!

Pat said...

Too funny! You just sound like a woman who knows what she wants!

gayle said...

I love this and agree!! I am married but never again unless they meet certain standards. And then I don't think I even want one to live with me!! Just date and then go home!!