Thursday, August 18, 2011

Where's my electric prod?

I'm a controller.
I've been a single mom since 1989 of 4 kids.

"My way or the highway."

"Because I said so."

"If you do that again, I will beat you bloody."

"Choice is yours: I can be the coolest mom on the block or I can be your banshee from hell, which will it be?"

"You're stuck with me til you are 18, and if you think that you want to make my life hell, remember that I have 26 years on you,  so do you really want to go there?"

I have a tendency to do this at work.

Rather small tendency.

So small, it's tee-ninsey.

Almost minute. . .

"Hello, dufus, where'd you wake up this morning? Under a rock?"

I got asked why I wasn't colorin my hair anymore, my answer:

"I couldn't keep up with the gray you are causin by askin your dumb questions"

The other day Jesse kept buttin in while I was talkin to a temp, finally I looked at him and said:

"Ya know there are days when I just wanna punch someone, and one day you're gonna keep on and it's gonna be YOUR day for me to punch YOU."

He continues to mouth.

I look at him over the top of my glasses and say:

"TODAY COULD BE YOUR DAY. SHUT. UP."

He snickered.

I got high five's from everyone else in the breakroom.

These men that act like kindergarteners that can't figure out why I can't remember they worked through lunch.

HELLO? Do you not see me talkin with another employee? Moron. . .

Then on my way back to my office the Production Mgr, catches me tells me something, our Engineer catches me on the next stop, the the Pres once I get upstairs, then phone rings and it is a customer or a trucker wantin directions to our place.

HMMMMM, who told me they worked thru lunch?????

I can't get it through their heads, call and leave me a message!

They need something fixed, fill out the freakin form!

Some days, I feel like I'm a pig herder.

In the muck and mud of mouthy men.

Where's my electric  prod??

For that matter, where's the electric fence?

They love me.

Really.

They love to be abused.

It's a great place to work!

Honest!

Cheers!

10 comments:

Karen said...

In my office they will stand next to you while you're on the phone and wait for you to finish you conversation. It makes me nuts. I'm on the phone. Go away. Now I just look at them and point to the door until they leave. If they don't get the hint I tell the person to hold on and ask the co-worker if they were raised in a barn.

That one ususally works.

Simply Suthern said...

Cat herder more like it. Pigs can be trained.

TexWisGirl said...

more power to you, mom!

Belle said...

I would bet those guys love you.

KaLynn ("MiMi") said...

Karen-oh. yeah. they do that too. aggravates me to no end.

SimplySuthern-you have a point. i agree!

TexWisGirl-why thank ya much!

Belle-of course, they love abuse!! HAHAHAHAHAA!!

Jane said...

Loved this post! I'm a wimp when it comes to opening a can of whoop ass. But I'm getting better at it. Here's a snappy little line I've used when people are giving an unwanted opinion: If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I would have farted. Usually they're so stunned that it came out of my mouth that it takes them a moment to laugh.

That Janie Girl said...

Girl.

Will you come ride herd on my oilfield? I need you!!!

Pat Tillett said...

One more reason why I'm so happy to be retired... (except for the being old part)

KaLynn ("MiMi") said...

Jane-I laughed so hard on that one I almost fell outta my chair!! I'm gonna have to remember that one!!

Janie Girl-I've worked in manufacturing places for the past 20 years plus my whole family are smartasses........(Michael got it honestly!) So sure!! Been a while since I've been around oil field workers!

Pat-Actually, these guys are a lot of fun but I do love to abuse them! Makes my day go by so much faster!!!

Jotter Girl said...

Pretty sure you don't need a cattle prod. Your quick wit and sassiness seem to be working just fine :)