I thought she was gonna be ok, but alas. No.
I swear, there are more doctors that get up and put that duck suit on daily! So beware, you don't always see it right off. Sometimes you just don't know that they waddle until months later.
Anyways, I was back in the search for a doctor (Does any one want a barkin' basset? She has been goin' all live long day. . . Scrappy will not play and she is mad. . .). A friend told me about one, but she said he has a strange sense of humor. I replied, I really didn't care so long as he didn't wear feathers and waddle, because the Aliens were takin' over my brain.
So I call up my friend that works up there and by george, I think she about fell out of her chair laughin' when I told her I needed to see another doc because of there were aliens breedin in my head.
So that is how we came to be doctor and patient. He treated my aliens.
He also listened to me when I told him that I didn't think I had asthma because it felt like my throat was closing up, when I went in for a chest ache that I thought was bronchitis. It turned out it was acid reflux. BOTH symptoms! I have not used my inhaler in over 3 months! Imagine, a doc that listens. . stranger things have happened I guess. .
But it was during this visit, that he noticed that my liver levels were THREE times as high as they should be. So we have done a series of blood tests, including heptitus'. All came back normal.
Then his nurse called wanting to make an appointment for new liver function blood test and he wanted to see me. I got scared. Really scared. You can not live without your liver. I've seen what happens.
So I want to pray that I'm not going to die or have liver disease or some other disease. I had to stop and think about those 35 years that I prayed daily for me to just die.
I have not said that prayer in about 5 years. I will be 54 this month. Do the math. I do not want to die. I started all the Oh, please. . . prayers. Then stopped. Which was very hard. VERY. I prayed that He would help me accept His will, no matter what, and that I would accept it with Grace. Then I had to let it go. HARD. HARD. HARD.
The test came back WAAAAY down. Not normal yet but now they ARE only slightly elevated.
I (and I think, the Doc is too) am contributing it to the fact that I had been trying different wines, binge drinking, etc. I have not had a drink of any kind since December 26, when I missed seeing some friends because of a MASSIVE hangover.
My body does not agree with alcohol. My personality changes, I get depressed. I do not cope. I cry.
I am not crying anymore. I am on an antidepressent, mild though it is. I am coping. I am accepting the decision with Grace. I thank Him that I have another day.
(And I still need someone to do something with the barkin' basset! Or get me some duct tape!)
Kackle today, it does a body good!!
7 comments:
Gosh KaLynn, I go away for three weeks on holiday and all Hell breaks loose!
Well, I certainly hope your liver problems will be solved now that you have kicked the booze to the curb. It gets so hard sometimes, I remember when I was around 35 wanting to just drop dead. I know for certain that had there been a gun in the house, I might have used it during one of my darker days, but there was no gun. Just me so severely depressed, I wanted out.
Here I am almost 15 years later, married to a great guy and being a mom to a delightful 3 1/2 year old. You just never know what the future holds but here I am as proof it's worth waiting for.
I'm thinking of you.
Hugs,
Deb
I'm glad your liver problem is only alcohol. At least you can stop drinking. I had the same problem, and I don't drink. I have autoimmune hepatitis. My immune system was attacking my organs and literally ruined my liver. I'm on steroids for life to keep my immune system down. Not fun. I hope you are okay.
I'm glad that the test results came back with better news, it's always hard waiting on the unknown. I couldn't even tell you what side my liver is on - I think I take it for granted, even though I don't drink. I'm also glad you found a good doctor who listens. Isn't that like the first thing they are supposed to learn in med school - learn how to hear their patients? Take care. - G
My liver enzymes were up and down and up several times. Finally we figured out that it was due to the amount of ibuprofen I was randomly taking for headaches. Once I was on daily pills for migranes, I stopped taking ibuprofen. I wish you well.
I just stopped drinking alcohol almost a year ago, I knew it was hurting my liver so with the encouragement of some close friends I just stopped. There is no craving at all, and I lost some weight too. I know I was torturing myself, it was fun while it lasted, but it is ended.
I hope that you recover from your ailments and feel much better.
Secretia
KaLynn... so glad you're waking up hoping to live. I believe we're kindred spirits in that way. I spent years in a fog... just going through the motions. And crying... a lot! My ex kept playing mind games with me so that I thought I was crazy. Now that he's gone I feel clearer than I have in many years. At age 56, it's about time! Hugs!
Dear Deb, Janie, Georgina,Pat Secretia, CatLady-It's not that it all just happened. I just now told you guys. This is my third wake up call with alcohol. First was 11 years ago and 9 days ago my husband of 4 months and I got into a physical fight. I thought I was going to die. I looked like the elephant man and it took 6 months for the color in my face to return to normal. Then I totaled my car and broke Rabbits foot. I have a DUI on my record for that one. I stopped for a few years and gradually it has come back since I moved to this little country town and the split with my daughter.
When I missed my friend on Saturday and then missed seeing my neice on Sunday. I realized I was giving up my life for a bottle. Then two weeks later the doctor called wanting to see me and retake the test. I studied it and realized I was playing with fire. For What? Nothing important.
Thanks for your support! It means alot!
Post a Comment