Wednesday, October 7, 2009

The Mother Ship

Yesterday was one of those days that I laughed off and on for no reason. You know the kind that your butt falls off you are laughin' so hard? Did I have to have a reason? As you will see, the answer is NO! IT DOES NOT EVEN HAVE TO BE HILAROUS!! Just has to be SAID!!!

In my morning class, the Teach asked if anyone knew who Doris Day was? (He listens to music as he composes his lectures and put the music on the  notes as a reference.) So yesterday it was Doris Day, Greatest Hits. Do you know how many Freshmen in college know who Doris Day is? Only the ones that are in the classification of The Age of Older than Dirt. Obviously, I qualifiy. As does the woman sitting next to me. We both raised our hands at the same time. I mean, like, 1, 2, 3, GO! RAISE YOUR HAND. UP they shoot. Teach laughs. The three of us are laughing. Him at the front of the room, laughing so hard that he couldn't speak. He has his head bowed. Us 'girls' are in the back of the room, one of us is holding our head the other has her head laid on the desk. Teach gets composed, looks up to begin again. Looks around the room. Sees us out of the corner of his eye, it all begins again. Now you tell me what was so funny about this? I HAVE NO CLUE!! IT WAS A MORONIC MOMENT!  I think part of this is: EVERY TIME he asks if anyone knows someone (such as Louis Armstrong or Doris Day) or some little something from his childhood era and wants a show of hands, GUESS WHO RAISES THEIR HANDS??? EVERY TIME??? Yep, you got it! Les and me! AND I'm older than both of them! So I guess really I'm ANCIENT. Would that put me in the catagory of The Age of Ancient instead of The Age of Older than Dirt? How old is Dirt? Or is Dirt older than Ancient? Would that put me back there with Dinosaurs? I feel my bones begin to melt into dust. .


The stupid laughter continued into the night.

So last night on my way home from class, I was talking to  my son, Billy Joe Bob.  (Names are changed to protect the guilty.) As I turn off the highway onto the little county road that goes to my town, I notice how black it is.  I mean, DARK. No moon. You know like The Twilight Zone and The Outer Limits kind of dark? It's cloudy.  Not very many cars, no lights on the side of the road. I always think of The Outer Limits show when I come across this kind of dark. The one where Aliens zapped a small town and took it with them. Left a crater in the earth and the town folks could not drive more than a few miles outside of town. OH MY GOSH! THAT TOWN WAS THE SIZE OF MY TOWN!!!

Looking down the road, I see a horizontal line that is kinda dark yellow, not to far above the road. I start telling BJB that I didn't realize that I had to drive that far up a hill to get home. I mean this is like really high from where I am. WOW! I thought it was a downhill drive home! NOT UP HILL!! AND DEFINITELY not THAT uphill. I continue on this vein for a few miles (the road is only 7 miles long). I felt like I was heading up into the mountains!

We have a little complex outside the city limits that has bright yellow lights so I'm thinking that is what the yellow strip on the horizon is. Ya know just over the hill type thing.

Now mind you, I have driven this road for over a year now. I should know by now whether I drive UP hill or DOWN hill home. Well, you would think I would anyway.

I PROMISE I was NOT drinking and driving last night! This was NOT an alcohol induced vision! AND NO, I DO NOT DO DRUGS!

This road is very wavy, you know know the kind I mean? Up, down, up, down, up, down. Most of the time there is not enough room to pass a car between the ups and downs. OH! OH! OH! YOU call it HILLY! I like the WAVY road better! Anyways, BJB is telling me that he will not even know where to tell the emergency people to look for me since I will be driving into the yellow clouds, that the Mother Ship is waiting to take me away. (THEY'RE COMING TO TAKE ME AWAY, HAHA! THEY'RE COMING TO TAKE ME AWAY, HAHA!) OK, I know, it was stupid but it set me off again. I had tears running down my face. I can't breathe. I CAN'T SEE THE ROAD!

I almost pull over because I cannot see the road!! Finally, I can look down the road again and realize that the yellow line IS NOT THE HORIZON LINE!  As I get closer, I see that it is actually a hole in the lower clouds that the lights are  reflecting through to an upper line of clouds. So the lower row of clouds looks like a land mass.

I know, I am a ding bat, a dork or nerd. Take your pick. My children tell me it is true. Tonight, I belive them.

The Mother Ship is just waiting. I can feel it. One day, she will come.

Hope you kackled today.

P.S. I guess I didn't laugh hard enough because my butt was still there when I got home.


GiGi said...

OMG! That sounds like something I would do!

Sugar Bear said...

Hey! I know who Doris Day is!! And I'm your daughter!!! I also know who BB King, Ray Charles, John Denver, The Monkeys, Janis Joplin, The Supremes, and many more are! But that's all thanks to you! Dancing around the house listening to 98.7fm.

-Sugar Bear

Anonymous said...

Hi, Y'all!
I love your bloggy thing, it's pretty cool. What a nice way to get good stuff out for others to read and bad stuff off your chest. Keep up the good work, and remember:



Anonymous said...

K, that was hilarious! And I did LOL!!! I did not know you had such fantastic writing skill! KEEP IT UP!!

chickadee51 said...

This was good. Made me remember one night I was driving home to Hobbs from the police academy in Santa Fe and I saw this bright light following me off to my left on the horizon. I kept watching it for miles and it was staying right up with me, blinking on and off from time to time. Boy did I feel stupid when I realized it was a (not sure of the official term) position locator light for aircraft. Duh!!! Hate driving on those dark, dark nights.