Peter Bread

Peter Bread. Have you EVER heard of PETER BREAD? Just read on.

If you had been in the local chain grocery store about 7-8 years ago, you would have. I was looking for PITA bread. I had forgotten to get it when on the Bread aisle. So I asked one of my sons, who at that time were probably 15 and 25, who are also onery, uncouth heatherns, to go get me a package of PITA bread.  WRONG move. NEVER, EVER, send ONE, let alone TWO, guys, to get PITA bread, especially when they did NOT understand you correctly in the first place and have already conjured up images of what they THOUGHT you said. They look at me like I had lost my mind. They are grinning already. (Ya know the kind: that sly, let's have some  fun with this grin?Yeah. I shudda picked up on this right away. But no. I did not.) Though, by the time they walked off , they knew EXACTLY what I wanted them to get.

So two aisles over I hear: "MOM, We can't find any PETER bread!" Of course, by this time they HAVE found  the PITA bread and are snickering so loud I can HEAR them! Did I mention that both my boys have deep voices that carry far even when they ARE trying to be quiet? Now image when they are being  loud deliberately. With us is my youngest daughter, Stefani,  who was 16 or so, and SHE starts snickering, then just all out laughing. I tell them ALL to SHUT UP and for the boys to bring me THE bread. They respond (ya know kinda whiney): We can't fiiind any PETER bread. Mom, do we HAAAVE to get PETER bread? Can't we get something other than PETER bread?  We just can't find any PETER bread! I, stupidly, respond with: NO, I love PITA bread. Just get the bread and come ON! I can only image what the people on the bread aisle are thinking. GEEZ! I'm about ready to find a hole an crawl in. THEN JD asked if I wanted some sausage to go with my PETER bread. THAT is when I lost  it. Embarassed though I  was, and had been trying to be stern. I just couldn't do it anymore. I started laughing so hard I SNORTED, which got everyone to laughing even harder! My face is beet red from embarrassment, both from the kids and my snorting! Do my children care? NO!!!!! Not a one of them! Including Stefi! From then on everything they said came straight out of the gutter. I was sooo ready to get out of this store, I even thought about leaving my grocery basket, which was full. Instead I was hoping to leave them all behind in my dust as I try to get away from them. I walk faster and  pushing the grocery cart, trying to leave them in my dust trail. Telling them to go on, I do not know ANY of them. They only walk faster than they have EVER walked in their life. FINALLY, they sorta give up and go to the car, but I must tell you, it is too late. By now,  EVERYONE in the store knows who those kids belong to. They are look at me and laugh or grin. I am wishing for a cap and sunglasses.

The 25 year old was in sooo much trouble for egging this on. He is sooo dead. Written outta the will. Oh, yeah, there is no will, I'm a single mom of 4, like I would have anything to leave them anyway, not even a PETER bread. .

They even try to continue this in the car! NOT a smart move. The guys are in the back seat. I AM GOOD AT SLAPPING LEGS IN THE BACKSEAT. I have a LONG arm. THE long arm of the law. Their legs hurt. For HOURS. Ask me if I cared. Go on ask me. NOT!

I'm not sure but I don't think I went back to that store for years. AND I NEVER, EVER, took those 2 boys with me anywhere at the same time again!! Even today, when they are 23 and 33, it is not SAFE! One or the other but not together. They make me say things. Innocent things, like when talking about things we don't like to eat. I don't like chitlins and octopus. I don't like slimy things and things that grow in my mouth. Now take a gander where that conversation went. .

Hope you kackled today.