Peter Bread. Have you EVER heard of PETER BREAD? Just read on.
So two aisles over I hear: "MOM, We can't find any PETER bread!" Of course, by this time they HAVE found the PITA bread and are snickering so loud I can HEAR them! Did I mention that both my boys have deep voices that carry far even when they ARE trying to be quiet? Now image when they are being loud deliberately. With us is my youngest daughter, Stefani, who was 16 or so, and SHE starts snickering, then just all out laughing. I tell them ALL to SHUT UP and for the boys to bring me THE bread. They respond (ya know kinda whiney): We can't fiiind any PETER bread. Mom, do we HAAAVE to get PETER bread? Can't we get something other than PETER bread? We just can't find any PETER bread! I, stupidly, respond with: NO, I love PITA bread. Just get the bread and come ON! I can only image what the people on the bread aisle are thinking. GEEZ! I'm about ready to find a hole an crawl in. THEN JD asked if I wanted some sausage to go with my PETER bread. THAT is when I lost it. Embarassed though I was, and had been trying to be stern. I just couldn't do it anymore. I started laughing so hard I SNORTED, which got everyone to laughing even harder! My face is beet red from embarrassment, both from the kids and my snorting! Do my children care? NO!!!!! Not a one of them! Including Stefi! From then on everything they said came straight out of the gutter. I was sooo ready to get out of this store, I even thought about leaving my grocery basket, which was full. Instead I was hoping to leave them all behind in my dust as I try to get away from them. I walk faster and pushing the grocery cart, trying to leave them in my dust trail. Telling them to go on, I do not know ANY of them. They only walk faster than they have EVER walked in their life. FINALLY, they sorta give up and go to the car, but I must tell you, it is too late. By now, EVERYONE in the store knows who those kids belong to. They are look at me and laugh or grin. I am wishing for a cap and sunglasses.
The 25 year old was in sooo much trouble for egging this on. He is sooo dead. Written outta the will. Oh, yeah, there is no will, I'm a single mom of 4, like I would have anything to leave them anyway, not even a PETER bread. .
They even try to continue this in the car! NOT a smart move. The guys are in the back seat. I AM GOOD AT SLAPPING LEGS IN THE BACKSEAT. I have a LONG arm. THE long arm of the law. Their legs hurt. For HOURS. Ask me if I cared. Go on ask me. NOT!
I'm not sure but I don't think I went back to that store for years. AND I NEVER, EVER, took those 2 boys with me anywhere at the same time again!! Even today, when they are 23 and 33, it is not SAFE! One or the other but not together. They make me say things. Innocent things, like when talking about things we don't like to eat. I don't like chitlins and octopus. I don't like slimy things and things that grow in my mouth. Now take a gander where that conversation went. .
Hope you kackled today.